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The folks at Alternative Rock Review have come up with a stellar and hilarious step-by-step list on how to form a nu-metal act and top the charts. Among the qualifications are: 1) You must cover a 1980s novelty song for your debut release. This is not an option. (See Limp Bizkit's cover of George Michael's "Faith"; Orgy's cover of New Order's "Blue Monday"; and Dope's cover of Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round [Like a Record]") 2) You need a gimmick. This is essentially important for the vocalist (they're not singers) be it bullied at school, self-mutilation, playing the bagpipes, or spooky appearance. (See Korn's bagpiper extraordinaire Jonathan Davis and the masked men of Slipknot) 3) Recruit a female bassist. This will lead to initial magazine exposure before the critics notice you can't actually play. By this time you will have built up a hardcore following of teenage boys. (See Coal Chamber and A Perfect Circle) 5) Incorporate a trendy DJ member into the band for that 21st-century feel. (See Limp Bizkit's DJ Lethal [with the added cred of being from House of Pain] and Incubus' DJ Chris Kilmore) 8) Request famed nu-metal producer Ross Robinson to produce your debut. He will declare it to be the most intense, pissed-off music ever released. Until the next one." (See Korn and Amen) Follow these easy steps along with a few others and you will, the site declares, "Go forth and sell one million copies of your debut in America and then disappear." We hope … More on: Amen, Coal Chamber, Dope, Incubus, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Orgy, Perfect Circle, Slipknot |
