As Nu-Metal is now exhausted of it's comedy value, there are plenty of other rock genres ripe for parody. This page is a collection of lists either submitted to the site or sourced from various internet sites. (Credit will be given where it's due)

Parody/humour Guides include Emo, Black Metal, Hardcore, Garage Rock & Pop-Punk

Rules for Metalcore
Ten Commandments of Post-Grunge
Rules for Horror Themed Metal
Rules for Garage Rock
Rules for Power Metal
Rules for Gothic
Rules for Black Metal
Rules for Death Metal
Rules for Emo
Rules for Hardcore
Rules for Nu-Metal
Commandents of Rock

Rules for Metalcore

"Mark Hodges" <bigmarkisback@hotmail.com> - 30-Jan'07:

Here are some rules to be the next big time scoring band in the current trendy and "heavy" crop of music industry buggery, metalcore.

1. Bathe yourself in tons of eye liner, lip gloss, and wear girl jeans. Call people 'homos' and 'fags' even though you look like a tranny.

2. If you can't afford any of wear above, just dress up like a new school hardcore kid.

3. Make sure your singer sounds like Jamey Jasta of Hatebreed or M. Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold or Greg Puciato of The Dillinger Escape Plan or a non-guttural death metal vocalist. Any sort of talented or non-trendy vocals will certainly not do. Your singer also can't do clean vocals. Leave those to the other members.

4. Your guitarists must rip off every one of Iron Maiden and In Flames' leads, pinch harmonics, guitar solos, and their exact guitar tones but claim all of those are yours. For your rhythms, they have to be "br00tal". Just tune down, steal Hatebreed's rhythms, and chug away.

5. Your drummer must use triggers to keep up the "br00talness".

6. Put at least one 100 breakdowns in your songs. In fact, just make some of your songs a very long breakdown. No one will care

7. Say you hate nu metal and talk about how it is trendy and how trendy music sucks but you praise 80's glam metal, you are friends with Thrice, you tour with Slipknot, and you are not aware your genre is becoming just as corporate as nu metal did.

8. Punch out Danzig. If someone filmed it, place it on your website/MySpace to gain instant fame.

9. You either want to be "swedecore", "tough guycore", or "mathcore" since you don't just want to be called "metalcore".

10. Your ultimate dream is to sit next to Jamey Jasta when he hosts 'Head Banger's Ball'

Ten Commandments of Post-Grunge

"j.j. de haas" <j_j_de_haas@hotmail.com> - 4-Feb'06:

Forgive me for answering a question nobody asked, but I just had to send you my little stone tables of one of music's funniest and yet most embarassing genres: Post Grunge.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF POST GRUNGE
1. If your singer sounds in even the slightest bit different from Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder, throw him out.

2. Never choose a name that has more than one word in it, and seriously doubt anything with more than one syllable.

3. Said name should not have any meaning, and does not even have to be spelled right.

4. At least half your albums MUST be soundtracks to blatantly overhyped superhero movies and ripped of from old Seal songs of other blatantly overhyped superhero movies.

5. Never hesitate to stuff your religious beliefs up your idiot public's collective nose, and then spend even less time hesitating to pass it of as "spiritual".

6. Forget rule number 5 if said religion should happen to be anything other than Christianity.

7. Kurt Cobain is your god, but never try to be influenced by, say, his charisma, his destructive personallity or indeed his musical craftsmanship.

8. Attitude or charisma does not sell. Hackneyed lyrical clichés and generic B-brand classic rock does (sadly).

9. If your guitarist does not play a PRS guitar through a Line 6 amplifier, fire him.

10. Jeez, I seriously can't even think of a tenth one. How much more boring can these guys get if I can?t think of ten lousy points on which to diss them?

Lots of love and keep The Adverts alive! - Joe Aston

Rules for Horror Themed Metal

Matthew Boyle <moboyle@bendbroadband.com> - 9-Oct'05:

Hey. I made a guide for horror themed metal type shit (examples = Rob Zombie, Murderdolls)

1: Always wear makeup

2: Never look normal

3: Claim that old horror flicks like Frankenstein are your inspiration

4: Always where those gloves with skeleton hands on them

5: Dreadlocks are essentials, that or really really short black hair

6: You're favorite colors are black, red, or dark blue

7: You have 4 or more members and exchange members out with each album
to keep people interested

8: Everybody in the band must have owned a KISS album before they
turned 8 years old

9: Lipstick must be black.

10: Your girlfriend must look like a female version of you

11: Make a name for your fans (ex: Murderdolls fans = ghouls)

12: Do several different covers for old bands

13: Support underground bands that want to be like you

14: Never look the same as you looked at your last concert

15: You're vocalist must have started a band before they came to you
and love them more than you

16: You must have drawn on stitches everywhere. Face, clothing, arms!

Rules for Garage Rock

Added - 05 Aug'05:

1. Tuning an instrument is to "ruin the feeling"
2. All the photo shoots your band do has to be done in front of a shabby, graffiti sprayed brick wall, or on a garbage dump.
3. Never wash your Mc5 and The Sonics t-shirts.
4. The Libertines saved the world.
5. The Strokes were good only before they became "the saviours of rock'n'roll".
6. The Strokes are gay.
7. Your girlfriend has to be even more ugly than you are.
8. At least 50% of your songs HAVE to be rip-offs from different garage rock bands from the 60's.
9. All you do at a concert is smoking.
10. Never admit that you grew up in a nice little suburb.
11. If anyone calls the music you are playing "punk", beat him up
12. If anyone calls the music you are playing "pre-punk", give him a six-pac and invite him to your van.
13. A good guitar solo contains at the most three notes.
14. Everyone who have bigger sideburns than you have, is worth your respect.
15. The Rolling Stones could have been a great band if they had not become so big.
16. And most important of all: Union Carbide Productions - In The Air Tonight, is the best rock-album made after 1975, and Cartoon Animal might be the best song ever made.

Rules for Power Metal

"axl rose" <laxattack19@hotmail.com> - 02 Jul'05:

I love power metal, its great if you dont care about the fantasy lyrics. The world needs more bands with that good 80's sound (soaring vocals and fast
guitars). But some things about Power Metal are silly, and here are my rules for being power metal (many of them are reffering to Rhapsody):

1. One band member must have a sword.
2. It must be as real looking as possible. fake blood is nice (say its fake goblin blood for bonus points)
3. its best if the lead singer holds it in all photo shoots/concerts/videos
4. You must use the word "Unicorn" or "Dragon" in a song title on each album.
5. Complain about how San Antonio's Slayer was screwed by the evil one from LA
6. Build a little shrine in your closet to a Helloween/Iron Maiden/Queensryche CD case
7. "7th son of a 7th son" is the best maiden album EVER!
8. Claim thrash ruined the power metal scene in the 80's
9. Love thrash
10. One band member must be from a death/black metal band and now hates that kind of music
11. Extra Power Props if you have a member that was an extra in a Lord of the Rings film
12. Say your music is underground even though its only a revival of mainstream 80's metal
13. Must go on tour with a black metal band that sings about the opposite of what you sing about
14. You CANNOT be from the US
15. Say all US music sucks
16. change your name to Gus G
17. Cover a broadway song, make sure it's the most "metal" one you can find
18. Have an original instrument that isnt found in a death metal band (Harpsichords, Organ etc)
19. Respect Yngwie for not only his playing but for his clothing (!)
20. The more studs/spikes the better

Rules for Gothic

"Michael Smith" - 02 Dec'04:

Here are twenty five steps in order to become the perfect goth!

Step 1) Lose all colored clothing, especially anything not black or dark grey.
Step 2) Get an "original" piercing, and when someone else gets it, bitch constantly.
Step 3) Always consider yourself a non-conformist, along with your clique.
Step 4) Attend every local concert you can, even if you hate the band.
Step 5) Swear up and down that Christians ruined this country.
Step 6) Claim that you hate America, even though you enjoy the freedom deep down.
Step 7) Always use the word "Opression" as much as you can.
Step 8) Scratch your forarms or ankles and expose them for attention.
Step 9) When people ask about your scars, try to hide them, and deny asking for help.
Step 10) Go out and buy "misunderstood" work by poets, then read in the open.
Step 11) In order to maintain your cool, always threaten those who threaten you right back.
Step 12) If you don't own chains/bracelets/necklaces, you simply cannot be "gothic".
Step 13) Say you hate mainstream music, although your mallxcore crap IS mainstream.
Step 14) Always take the chance to diss a boyband. Always. This is no option.
Step 15) Whenever given the chance, talk about your "drug abuse" situation, fake or not.
Step 17) Wear mascara and eye liner. When you cry, it makes you even more pathetic.
Step 18) Claim to hate attention, but always try to acheive it.
Step 19) Whenever your friends are around, ignore your parents. Then go back to being a good boy/girl.
Step 20) Say you hate to label yourself, but you love when somone is creeped out by your "gothicness".
Step 21) If you have a girlfriend, which you probably wont, never show PDA. At all.
Step 22) Swear your life upon Cradle of Filth, or Dimmu Borgir. Not an option.
Step 23) Become "wiccan"! Real followers love when you de-moralize their religion.
Step 24) In cooperation with number 23, read "spellbooks" in public.
Step 25) Never, ever. And I repeat... NEVER smile.

After you complete these steps, who hoo! Your another wannabe trendsetter who doesn't know what the word goth means, even if it slit your wrists for you!

Rules for Black Metal

"John Pearson" <mrturquoise.john@btinternet.com> - 06 Nov 03:

1. During interviews, you express your "misanthropy" at the world.
2. You dismiss Anton LaVey ( Church of Satan founder ) as a " Hollywood Satanist ".
3. Your early demos must have no production values whatsoever, you later claim this was done to acheive a "necrotic" sound.
4. You hate the previous two Burzum albums because they are totally electronic.
5. You dismiss Cradle of Filth as "McDonalds Black Metal" because they're signed to sony.
6. You have recorded at least one of your albums in the Edvard Greig Memorial Hall.
7. You use the words "nocturnal" and "winter" at least once in every song.
8. At least one of your promo shots depicts your vocalist holding a Norwegian flag.
9. Your songs aren't satanic, they are based on pagan/viking mythology.
10. You have conspired to burn a church at least once.

david sigmon <kuntry_devyl@yahoo.com> - 03 Oct 03:

1)Find four to five members of the d&d club.(make sure to find one who can play keybaords)
2)Change your name to gorgoth darksoul, or something equally scary and dark.
3)Wear lots of hoaky-looking corpse paint...yaknow, to have a scary image.
4)As a black metal band, black leather is your best friend. You will learn to love it.
5)Design your logo with an unreadable style of writing. It's just cooler that way.
6)Use lots of choir style samples, in all your songs, for theat epic black feel.
7)When in interveiws, express your love for classical music, and scores(even if you don't, cause all black metal bands think they are really intelligent.)
8)Use dark words to describe everyhting(i.e. necro)
9)make sure you are either covered in blood, or in the woods for all photo sessions.
10)Make shirts that have no real connection with the band, only to be offensive.
11)Use lots of fowl language when on stage.
12)write music about how god sucks so much, and satan rules.

These are great rules in my opinion. enjoy --- sloth

Rules for Death Metal

Taken from KaffeinatedX@groups.msn.com - 16 Nov 03:

1. Be Br00tal
2. dont be gay
3. Any one who isnt br00tal, is gay...
4. be gore
5. try and be br00tal gore if at all possible
6. Dont sit and watch any bands at any concerts, you must mosh, even if you hate the band.
7. Use the word "crushing" to describe things that are cool.
8. blast beats mean good drumming
9. never under any circumstances listen to....
10. six feet under
11. dont be Chris Barnes
12. if someone asks you if you like Cannibal Corpse, only say Chris Barnes CC, but maintaining your hate for him all the while
13. if in doubt, use some verb for vomiting in a song/ album title.
14. GORE OWNS YOU POSERS
15. Anything not ruthless or brutal is gay.
16. Maiden is pussy music, it doesnt crush...
17. for some reason, you must accept syl as deathmetal....
18. when your mom asks you to take out the trash, smash her face with a hammer, and rape her infront of your sister, then exhume a corpse and have a threesome with it and your mother
19. old cannibal owns\m/
20. hate old cannibal
21. when your mom makes you take the trash out via threats of violence tell her you only did it because your ruthless enough to handle anything, then kick the trashcan.
22. make fun of numetal using drop tuned 7s and simple riffs, then be in a band that does exactly that.
23. suffocation must be worshiped and copied no matter what.
24. name your band disgorge
25. do a slayer cover.
26. when in doubt say BRUTAL DEATH METAL!
27. smash crosses
28. youre not trying hard enough to be brutal
29. having a girlfriend is gay, it makes you less brutal
30. say you love Cryptopsy, but hate all albums besides None So Vile.
31. Blast beats can fill ANYTHING.
32. BLAST BEATS ARE BRUTAL:@
33. try as hard as you can to be gross, at the expense the entire band.
34. you can never have enough Carcass clones....
35. alas...dont be Dani Filth..
36. Say that all American deathmetal sucks, dispite the fact that most European bands are just copies of the American invented sound.
37. admit devin townsend is your lord and savior.
38. dont be grim
39. its perfectly plausable to be true and brutal in concurrance.
40. necro is cool, be necro....necro is used in deathmetal song titles....be necro...
41. sing about outragous gore, why god sucks...as much as possible.
42. infact...gorey deaths of jesus are what you should sing about, so sing...
43. if in a chatroom. kick and ban as many as possible to prove your brutality.
44. rap is not brutal.
45. if your girlfriend makes you listen to rap, berate her until the relationship dies.
46. wiggers are the declared enemy.
47. the low end of the bass is never too low, infact it could be even heavyer, tune down another step.
48. worship flo from cryptopsy
49. be racist and talk about suffocations ownage in the same sentence.
50. name your band disgorge.
60. when asked what deathmetal stands for say "DeathMetal is the soundtrack to societys end, mankind is useless, its the raw essence of nature and its brutality!" when the real reason you listen to it is blastbeats and funny lyrics.
61. hate punk
62. seriously, hate punk, and anything else weak.
63. feelings other then that of rage, the will to commit murder, or brutality are not true, nor are they brutal.
64. if you cry, you are not DEATHMETAL.
65. hate powermetal.
66. sing about corpses
67. when you pull a skinless and become commerical deathcore...say you did it for artistic integrity
68. hate new slayer
69. denouce slayer as not an inovator of deathmetal at all...
70. secretly love slayer
71. only admit to liking a few slipknot songs when drunk.
72. SLIPKNOT!?s:slkhD WHAT?
73. Pretend members of your family apprecaite deathmetal at 3 am.
74. insist on talking to uninterested parties about deathmetal and assume they understand what NUMETAL means, what blastbeats are, and care why Morbid Angel crushes.
75. Insit that suffocation are gods...
76. numetal is fucking gay.
77. seriously, ever heard the band staind? wow, you just wanna slap aaron lewises bald head with a hammer.
78. Greet only with Hail.
79. if someone is especialy brutal say "HAIL MOTHERFUCKER"
80. copy the 101 rules for blackmetal for ideas.
81. necro, any form of vomit, or misanthrope own and should be done as much as possible, to the point you want to smash stuff with hammers.
82. Hammers are cool.
83. the word OWN is the best word for any situation.
84. this owns
85. Hammers own.
86. BRUTAL DEATH FUCKING METAL!!! RRRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
87. Kill posers, with hammers....
89. Dont be Fear Factory
90. entrails are fun to sing about...
91. in addition to hammers and guts, chainsaws are also fun fun.
92. never use the term "fun fun"
93. Do stupid stunts that will no doubt prove your "brutality"
94. if its br00tal, it owns.
95. Say you want to fuck Angela Gassow, but hate her music.
96. Dont be Chris Barnes, seriously....
97. Say your favorite band is Death, but never listen to them.
98. "ruthless" is another welcomed addition to your vocabulary.
99. Hate inflames
100. You liked Inflames 3 years ago, but now youve always hated them
101. What the fuck are you still reading this for...pick up a chainsaw and attack some posers!!!

Rules for Emo

"Caitlin Murphy" <poprocksandcoke41@msn.com> - 22 Oct 03:

1.) 99% of your songs MUST be about a failed relationship.
2.) Your band must mainly consist of skinny white guys, with at least one African-American or Asian member.
3.) Your band must always wear tight black T-shirts from some other unknown Emo band OR vintage ringer T-shirts from the 70's or 80's.
4.) You must open for Saves the Day at least once.
5.) Most, if not all, or your band members must have a jet black mop-top.
6.) A hot female member is required, bonus points of she's dating a member of the band.
7.) The lead singer does not necessarily need to play an instrument, an annoying, loud, whiny voice will do.
8.) You must show up at other Emo band's concerts and stand in the crowd and cry.
9.) You totally deny being labeled as "Emo" yet refuse to label yourselves or your music, or be put in any genre.
10.) Your screen names are something along the lines of XtearsXofmyXheartX
11.) The only foods in your diet are Ramen Noodle Soup and Dasani water.
12.) EVERYONE in the crowd knows ALL of the words to ALL of your songs and when you are in concert, the crowd sings louder than you are.
13.) You cry in concert and aren't ashamed about it.
14.) Every band member must have a black or red 'X' written or tattooed on their hands at ALL times.
15.) You must make it a point that you know what sXe means and that you are proud to be sXe.
16.) Get most of the crowd crying at your shows.

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW AN EMO BAND!

[ARR - Also, check out the "What the heck *is* emo, anyway?" website. A FAQ for those who think Emo was Rod Hull's bird]

You can find many Emo band photos at the Emo Diaries

Rules for Hardcore

Taken from the letsmakesomenoise.com message board - 16 Nov 03:

001) Be tough at all times.
002) Never cheer after a show... only clap.
003)Be open minded in a "punch people" kind of way.
004) Only the good hardcore bands have names that are sentences with bad grammar. Ex: Boy Hits Car, Boy Sets Fire, Skycamefalling, Boy Sets Car-fire. 005) Ankles are tough so bring your socks down into your shoes so we can see them.
006) Tattoos are tough especially when they are on your calves. See rule #5 on how to see said tattoo more clearly.
007) Wear your hoodie in the mosh pit because sweating like a wild pig makes you look tough.
008) Don't admit you listen to heavy metal.
009) Exception to rule #8: only admit you listen to heavy metal if you think it is ironic and you wear 80's cheese metal shirts.
010) Be a non-conformist, just like all your friends.
011) Practice hardcore dancing in front of your mirror and then try them out the next time Atreyu comes to town.
012) A hardcore band is only original if you call it something-core. Ex: screamcore, emocore, screamocore, mathcore, or medio-core.
013) Remember, it's fun to punch and kick kung fu style.
014) Keep it in the do-jo.
015) Real hardcore fans are called kids.
016) Complain how hardcore bands are playing with metal bands at all costs!
017) Have your own zine, website, production company, be in a band, or claim you are friends with the singer from Shai Halud.
018) Tell people you work in the music industry.
019) More ankles people!
020) Embrace everybody in the scene except for those people who are not you.
021) Refer to bands as old school or new school and then act tough again.
022) Pretend that you get Dillinger Escape Plan.
023) Shop at second hand stores and then go buy expensive shoes.
024) Beat people up and then go to bible study class.
025) Smoking, drinking, and having sex before marriage is too trendy. Real hardcore tough guys abstain.
026) Whatever you do, don't let the singer on stage ever sing in the mic. Make sure you grab it from him and sing in it yourself. After all, you do a better job singing than him. It's a wonder they didn't put you on the album.
027) Start your own hardcore band.
028) Have your logo resemble some random 80's product for nostalgia.
029) Talk about the scene any chance you get. Say as many obscure hardcore bands from NJ as possible.
030) If you are shy, start an emo band so you don't have to look at the audience.
031) People who know more bands than you are better than you.
032) Add the letter X before and after important words. Ex:
XhardcorekidX, XmoshfuckX
033) Never say, "Did you hear the new Strung Out?" unless you are attempting to be funny in which case stop it because hardcore kids are tough not funny.
034) It's merch not merchandise.
035) Hardcore girls must wear head bands at all times.
036) Stretch your ears out to look more intimidating.
037) The bigger you stretch your ears out, the more hardcore you are.
038) Your ears should be stretched out enough to accommodate a block of wood, a hubcap, or a penis.
039) People in the front row are best used as a ladder/staircase to reach your goal... steal the mic away from the singer.
040) When people ask you if you like a band always say, "I only like the old stuff" or "I haven't really gotten into the new stuff."
041) Buy all of that band's merch.
042) Wear your new merch at the next hardcore show.
043) Repeat #41 and #42
044) If you have to wear glasses, make sure they are thick, black framed ones.
045) Don't tell anybody, but make sure you try on your new vintage clothes and stud belt before heading out to see Poison the Well.
046) Never admit you don't like Hatebreed and go see them live 12 times a year.
047) Complain that they are playing with Slayer, but don't admit you actually like Slayer.
048) Complain at all costs.
049) Tag team hardcore dancing is cool.
050) Real hardcore kids are really struggling photographers.
051) You don't go to hardcore concerts, you go to hardcore shows. BIG difference.
052) Name your hardcore dance moves things like "The Mother Fuck" or "Kick That Guy's Ass Move" or better yet... stay home and cry.
053) Protect your body from swinging limbs by sacrificing your two arms.
054) Scream about love.
055) All age venues are important so you are not tempted to drink.
056) Claim you know a guy who knows a guy whose best friend was standing next to the guy who got his ass kicked during Converge, bash the hardcore scene, and then go see The Get Up Kids.
057) Anytime somebody mentions a band always say you know somebody in the band.
058) Wear your pins with honor! Shai Halud, American Nightmare, Minor Threat are the purple heart of valour.
059) Velcro shoes are cool.
060) Don't admit that you have a crush on the singer from Walls of Jericho. If somebody asks, say you respect her as a musician only.
061) Your band name should contain one of the following words: blood, murder, kill, victim and/or butterfly.
062) Print your band name as if it was on a bad printing press. Actual graphics are for posers.
063) Sleep on a portrait painted prettier then everyone.
064) 100 bands from around the world are to play in your city. All of them are the world's best hardcore bands. Every label represented, every hardcore subgenre present. The venue is the best all-ages venue in the world. Tickets are $1.00. It is your job to go around saying the festival should be free.
065) Record producers must make sure to pump the mid because mid is tough.
066) Re-issue your demos after every album.
067) When the band starts playing, everybody join hands and make a big circle so we can watch the big kids play.
068) Crying on stage makes you a professional.
069) Complain some more.
070) Album covers must be made at home on Photoshop by your good friend.
071) If you are from New York, NEVER smile in a promo pic. In fact, always try to cross your arms and look into the camera as if you are going to beat up who ever is looking.
072) If you are from New Jersey, NEVER smile in a promo pic either. In fact, try to look like you just lost your girl friend to the hardcore band from New York.
073) Never admit that emo is country music lyrics mixed with pop rock riffs and marketed by 17 year olds trying to make their friend be the next Dashboard Confessional.
074) American Idol is your worst enemy (but you voted for Ruben).
075) You can get away with glitter on your face as long as your stretched ear plugs are clear.
076) Fuck beer; got breast milk?
077) Bandanas are cool.
078) Bandanas with big X on them are cooler.
079) Bandanas with big X on them were cool last week, you poser.
080) Your best friend is a guy named XattackX from Jersey who you chat with on MSN everyday. He is coming to see you one day. Really.
081) Chunky breakdowns in your songs are original and you should continue to do them despite every other band doing them which is clearly a rip off of your band.
082) Judge other bands and always compare them to the socio-cultural effects of the band Integrity.
083) Look up socio-cultural in the dictionary and then get offended.
084) Green Day is the real reason you are still alive.
085) Describe your group of friends as "The Scene."
086) Obey the laws of the hardcore scene or forever be banished from the circle.
087) When somebody asks you what is hardcore respond with, "I am hardcore" then punch somebody in the face for looking at you wrong.
088) Keep punching.
089) Kick a little, too.
090) Punch.
091) Add a threat about their mother for good measure.
092) Pretend you won the fight then pickup your dismembered left arm.
093) You are wearing the same thing as the 40-year old gas pump attendant, but for some strange mystical reason you are cooler than he is.
094) Tell everybody that Trustkill Records is too trendy.
095) Did you stop acting tough? I saw you hug that teddy bear.
096) Pierce you tits and tattoo your body.
097) Straight bangs mean straightedge
098) Being vegan means you can't swallow sperm.
099) When in doubt, mock everything.
100) Take everything personally.
101) Assume this list is about you.

Rules for Nu-Metal

Visit the Nu-Metal Guide for the full low-down

Commandents of Rock

Submitted by JOHN AND KARIN BEAM <kjbeam@prodigy.net> - 13 June 2004

hey these are just things i was messing around with but some of them are funny i like your site. later. jonathan

The 10 or so Commandments of Rock

1. Long Hair is sweet!

2. Honour thy Led Zeppelin and thy Jimi Hendrix

3. All types of rock acceptable- classic, metal, punk, garage, grunge etc. all meant for the same purpose- headbanding pleasure

4. Let it be known that Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit pulled the world away from 80's glam rock and into the 90's grunde

5. a rock song is not a rock song without a proper solo.

6. face paint is acceptable as shown by Kiss

7. everyone should know how to play some rock instrument

8. everyone know the components of a sucessful rock show/band

9. thou shall know how to headbang without receiving a headache

10. let it be known that good charlotte and all other look a likes are considered poser sell outs

11. every rock band should have atleast one jam song and at least one power ballad ex: Led Zeppelin Black Dog; Stairway to Heaven

12. if rock was a nation Iron Man would be the national anthem

13. just because ozzy is the prince of darkness doesnt mean hes goin to a bad place

14. all those who have not listened to rock and havent enjoyed will be punished in some way

15. tatoos are necessary for all bands

16. all bands shall be different, distinct and noticable from everyone else

17. jimmy pages double neck is considered holy

18. remember to keep all rock concerts holy

19. thou shall listen to rock atleast once a day

20. the freebird solo is like a giant prayer to god

21. all those who remember the complete lyrics to stairway to heaven shall be saints

22. Led Zeppelin was one of jesus' miracles

23. a mix of opera and rock is definitly nice as seen in Queen's Boheimian Rhapsody

24. even tho country sux god made an acception to lynyrd skynyrd

25. rap oughta be shot

26. the Gibson Flying V is the ultimate lead guitar!

27. all beings shall know atleast two words in one language: ROCK ON!!!!!

28. The Blues Brothers Set the Standard for formal dress in rock and roll

29. All shall abide by a daily schedule formed by Kiss, thou shall rock and roll all night and party everyday.

30. ZZ top made the beard part of rock and roll

31. Ozzy should be considered a living ledgend.

32. Seattle is considered the holy land for grunge

33. Loud is the only way Rock shall be heard

34. British imports rule!

35. If you become slightly deaf after a concert, its considered a blessing

36. Just because you are a street musician doesnt mean you are a hobo

37. Vinyl Rules!

38. Elvis truly was a king

39 Taking Care of Business was BTO’s purpose in life

40. The Peter Gunn Theme is the one and only.rock song for a spy movie.

41. The Red Hot Chili Peppers’s socks are holy relics of the rock world

42. Chucks are the holy sandals of rock

43. Anyone who thinks Welcome to the Jungle is a road sign oughtta be shot

44. The song Back in Black by AC/DC is not a racial slurr

45. If listing to the song no quarter by led zeppelin doesnt want to make you learn the xylophone or Bring it on Home the harmanica you are unholy in the eyes of god

46. George Thurgood did not have a stuttering problem when he sang Bad to the Bone

47. When you scream if your voice sounds high, screechy, and sounds like your on helium, it’s a good sign

48. Anyone who thinks stairway to heaven can be built oughtta be shot

49. The Immigrant Song is not a song for illegal aliens fleeing to the USA

50. Smells Like Teen Spirit is not a deodorant

51. Teenage Wasteland is not an alcoholic beverage.

52. Because of Jimi Hendrix the Star Spangled Banner is a good song

53. Let it be known that no one can amount to the voice of axl rose or brian johnson, only try.

54. If you or anyone else can "hear yourself think" the music isnt loud enough